Episode
#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
3:38:34
Published: Wed May 04 2022
Description
David Buss is an evolutionary psychologist at UT Austin. He is one of the founders of the field of evolutionary psychology. His current research is on sex differences in mate selection, mate attraction, infidelity, and the emotions of jealousy, lust, and love. Please support this podcast by checking out our sponsors: - Notion: https://notion.com/startups - ExpressVPN: https://expressvpn.com/lexpod and use code LexPod - Roka: https://roka.com/ and use code LEX - Onnit: https://lexfridman.com/onnit - Indeed: https://indeed.com/lex EPISODE LINKS: David's Twitter: https://twitter.com/profdavidbuss David's Website: https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/ When Men Behave Badly (book): https://amzn.to/3y3bRVM The Evolution of Desire (book): https://amzn.to/3kyBdTt Evolutionary Psychology (textbook): https://amzn.to/3LExU9e Derogation of Competitors (research paper): https://bit.ly/38G4LMa PODCAST INFO: Podcast website: https://lexfridman.com/podcast Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/2lwqZIr Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2nEwCF8 RSS: https://lexfridman.com/feed/podcast/ YouTube Full Episodes: https://youtube.com/lexfridman YouTube Clips: https://youtube.com/lexclips SUPPORT & CONNECT: - Check out the sponsors above, it's the best way to support this podcast - Support on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lexfridman - Twitter: https://twitter.com/lexfridman - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lexfridman - LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lexfridman - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lexfridman - Medium: https://medium.com/@lexfridman OUTLINE: Here's the timestamps for the episode. On some podcast players you should be able to click the timestamp to jump to that time. (00:00) - Introduction (08:04) - Sex vs Violence (14:48) - Mating strategies (26:44) - Social construct of beauty (30:38) - Evolution of mating evaluation (34:40) - Mating selection desires (39:52) - Difficulties of monogamy (46:16) - Importance of male appearance (48:52) - Importance of wealth (52:08) - Penis and breasts (55:59) - Fashion (58:58) - Body objectification (1:06:33) - Wear sunscreen (1:13:29) - Gender (1:30:39) - What motivates humans (1:32:29) - Dominance and submissiveness (1:40:33) - Johnny Depp defamation trial (1:50:24) - Jealousy (1:58:45) - Mate poaching (2:02:58) - Polyamory (2:14:13) - Female vs Male sexuality (2:23:11) - Pornography (2:29:46) - Sex and Violence continued (2:38:55) - Cancel culture (2:50:38) - Elon Musk and Twitter (2:59:02) - Serial killers (3:04:55) - Advice for young people (3:16:57) - Love (3:22:57) - Mortality (3:27:40) - Meaning of life
Chapters
In this conversation with David Buss, the founder of evolutionary psychology, we delve into the differences in mate selection between men and women, the evolution of desire, and the dark side of human nature, including sexual deception and murder.
00:00 - 01:56 (01:56)
Summary
In this conversation with David Buss, the founder of evolutionary psychology, we delve into the differences in mate selection between men and women, the evolution of desire, and the dark side of human nature, including sexual deception and murder.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
This episode discusses the struggle of note-taking and focus especially when one's mind easily gets distracted.
01:56 - 08:10 (06:13)
Summary
This episode discusses the struggle of note-taking and focus especially when one's mind easily gets distracted. Sponsored by Onnit, a nutrition supplement and fitness company, and Indeed, an online job post platform with a free $75 sponsored job credit.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
The concept of inter-tribal warfare is part of humanity's bad evolutionary history, but it has been advantageous from a purely reproductive standpoint to conquer a neighboring group, based on a podcast where the host discusses the evolutionary psychology behind human warfare.
08:10 - 14:48 (06:38)
Summary
The concept of inter-tribal warfare is part of humanity's bad evolutionary history, but it has been advantageous from a purely reproductive standpoint to conquer a neighboring group, based on a podcast where the host discusses the evolutionary psychology behind human warfare.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
The speaker discusses how love can be experienced in different ways, such as through appreciation of nature or as a result of mate selection and attraction.
14:48 - 21:30 (06:42)
Summary
The speaker discusses how love can be experienced in different ways, such as through appreciation of nature or as a result of mate selection and attraction. She focuses specifically on the aspects of love related to mating, including mate selection and retention, poaching, and expulsion.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
Biological cues to youth, health, and fertility like clear skin, full lips, and small waist-hip ratio contribute to the standards of beauty in women.
21:30 - 32:02 (10:31)
Summary
Biological cues to youth, health, and fertility like clear skin, full lips, and small waist-hip ratio contribute to the standards of beauty in women. In a competitive process of mating, desirable mates are difficult to find, making mate attraction and poaching still prevalent post-mate selection.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
Women prioritize personality traits over physical appearance in long-term mate selection, but value physical attractiveness in short-term mating as well.
32:02 - 40:05 (08:03)
Summary
Women prioritize personality traits over physical appearance in long-term mate selection, but value physical attractiveness in short-term mating as well.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
The traditional idea is that women go for cues to good genes in the short term and cues to resources in the long term, while having affairs to get good genes from one guy while getting investment from the husband.
40:05 - 46:22 (06:16)
Summary
The traditional idea is that women go for cues to good genes in the short term and cues to resources in the long term, while having affairs to get good genes from one guy while getting investment from the husband. However, Dr. David Buss argues that women have affairs as a way to divest themselves of a partner who is inflicting a cost or with whom things aren't working out.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
With the onset of puberty, the difference in hip development and fat deposition creates a sexual dimorphism that affects the waist to hip ratio, making it an attractive trait.
46:22 - 55:54 (09:32)
Summary
With the onset of puberty, the difference in hip development and fat deposition creates a sexual dimorphism that affects the waist to hip ratio, making it an attractive trait. Women are more attracted to physical fitness with high shoulder to hip ratio, compared to extremely muscular bodies.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
The comfort and fashion of yoga pants has made it one of the greatest inventions in human history, despite criticisms of the objectification of the human body in media.
55:54 - 1:01:58 (06:03)
Summary
The comfort and fashion of yoga pants has made it one of the greatest inventions in human history, despite criticisms of the objectification of the human body in media. It may also serve as a tool of empowerment, giving the powerless more power by covering up.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
This podcast discusses the negative impact that influencers can have on body image, particularly amongst young people, due to the misrepresentation of their own appearance and the societal pressure to be thin perpetuated by the fashion industry and media.
1:01:58 - 1:06:56 (04:58)
Summary
This podcast discusses the negative impact that influencers can have on body image, particularly amongst young people, due to the misrepresentation of their own appearance and the societal pressure to be thin perpetuated by the fashion industry and media.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
This is a speech about the importance of wearing sunscreen and the advice given to graduates that the most interesting people don't know what they want to do with their lives at 22.
1:06:56 - 1:14:13 (07:16)
Summary
This is a speech about the importance of wearing sunscreen and the advice given to graduates that the most interesting people don't know what they want to do with their lives at 22.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
The largest psychological sex differences occur in the mating domain, sexuality, and the desire for short-term mating.
1:14:13 - 1:20:52 (06:38)
Summary
The largest psychological sex differences occur in the mating domain, sexuality, and the desire for short-term mating. Even in gender-egalitarian countries like Sweden and Norway, these psychological sex differences and occupational choices still exist when people are given the freedom to choose.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
Men with high status have access to more resources and are more desirable to women, which is why women prioritize a man's social status.
1:20:52 - 1:31:47 (10:55)
Summary
Men with high status have access to more resources and are more desirable to women, which is why women prioritize a man's social status. In different cultures, both men and women with knowledge and wisdom are considered important figures to seek advice from.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
The speaker discusses how relationships cannot be generalized and there is no one size fits all approach when it comes to different types of relationships.
1:31:47 - 1:39:02 (07:14)
Summary
The speaker discusses how relationships cannot be generalized and there is no one size fits all approach when it comes to different types of relationships.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
The complexity of human behavior under stress and the impact of traffic on it is discussed.
1:39:02 - 1:45:52 (06:50)
Summary
The complexity of human behavior under stress and the impact of traffic on it is discussed. The speaker highlights the deep issues people should confront if they burst emotionally in traffic as it might be a reflection of bottling up of anger and anxiety.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
The podcast discusses the presence of toxicity and violence in relationships, and how it is not limited to a certain gender.
1:45:52 - 1:50:38 (04:45)
Summary
The podcast discusses the presence of toxicity and violence in relationships, and how it is not limited to a certain gender. It sheds light on how one can observe the reactions and behavior of their partner during unexpected and stressful situations.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
Jealousy in a relationship is a natural evolutionary adaptation for guarding the relationship and being sensitive to threats.
1:50:38 - 1:57:42 (07:04)
Summary
Jealousy in a relationship is a natural evolutionary adaptation for guarding the relationship and being sensitive to threats. However, while a mate value discrepancy can trigger jealousy, it is important to recognize and address it in a healthy manner.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
Male sexual psychology plays a big role in domestic violence, which tends to be directed towards the mate, as it is a functional way of preventing them from engaging with potential mate poachers, according to experts in this podcast.
1:57:42 - 2:03:15 (05:33)
Summary
Male sexual psychology plays a big role in domestic violence, which tends to be directed towards the mate, as it is a functional way of preventing them from engaging with potential mate poachers, according to experts in this podcast.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
This podcast explores the sex difference in jealousy, with men being more sexually and women being more emotionally jealous.
2:03:15 - 2:10:38 (07:22)
Summary
This podcast explores the sex difference in jealousy, with men being more sexually and women being more emotionally jealous. Additionally, it touches on the varying male and female interests in the human-robot interaction problem.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
The best romantic relationships involve both positive features of agency and communion, masculinity and femininity, while avoiding the negative extremes of each.
2:10:38 - 2:16:56 (06:18)
Summary
The best romantic relationships involve both positive features of agency and communion, masculinity and femininity, while avoiding the negative extremes of each. However, it's important to recognize when the push and pull in a relationship has crossed the line into abuse.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
Sexual fantasies provide insights into one's sexual psychology and can be based on early experiences.
2:16:56 - 2:23:38 (06:42)
Summary
Sexual fantasies provide insights into one's sexual psychology and can be based on early experiences. Men are more likely to have fetishes than women.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
Pornography may take away men's pursuit of love and building great things, besides generating unrealistic expectations about real-life sex.
2:23:38 - 2:32:00 (08:21)
Summary
Pornography may take away men's pursuit of love and building great things, besides generating unrealistic expectations about real-life sex. It may also have a dampening effect on their pursuit of healthy and genuine romantic relationships.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
Men's desire for sexual variety is a common feeling that can never be fully satisfied, leading to frustration and potentially even philosophical obsessions.
2:32:00 - 2:39:06 (07:06)
Summary
Men's desire for sexual variety is a common feeling that can never be fully satisfied, leading to frustration and potentially even philosophical obsessions. This desire can impact even those who are successful in attracting mates, as they may desire women of higher "mate value" or a larger number of partners.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
Jordan Peterson, a psychologist and author, discusses how publications can be misconstrued when discussing sex differences, resulting in controversy.
2:39:06 - 2:44:25 (05:18)
Summary
Jordan Peterson, a psychologist and author, discusses how publications can be misconstrued when discussing sex differences, resulting in controversy.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
The speaker discusses the need for individuals to control and suppress their violent inclinations in order to overcome potentially catastrophic events.
2:44:25 - 2:54:42 (10:16)
Summary
The speaker discusses the need for individuals to control and suppress their violent inclinations in order to overcome potentially catastrophic events. He also reflects on the effectiveness of propaganda machines during World War II and how easily populations can be convinced.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
The speaker talks about the fascination with evil people, how we should look at multiple facets of a person, and how it's not just relevant to politics, but also in science and other domains.
2:54:42 - 3:03:02 (08:20)
Summary
The speaker talks about the fascination with evil people, how we should look at multiple facets of a person, and how it's not just relevant to politics, but also in science and other domains.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
Serial killers have a large female fan base and there is something interesting to be noted about the connection between true crime and women's interest in mating or sexuality.
3:03:02 - 3:08:58 (05:55)
Summary
Serial killers have a large female fan base and there is something interesting to be noted about the connection between true crime and women's interest in mating or sexuality. The science can provide guidelines to avoid some of the mating problems that we face.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
The speaker discusses the limitations of dating apps, citing the emphasis on physical appearance and lack of information about a person's true character and personality as major drawbacks, and expresses a desire for technology to improve in order to create better, more meaningful connections.
3:08:58 - 3:23:44 (14:45)
Summary
The speaker discusses the limitations of dating apps, citing the emphasis on physical appearance and lack of information about a person's true character and personality as major drawbacks, and expresses a desire for technology to improve in order to create better, more meaningful connections.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
In this episode, the speaker reflects on the unique bond of coalitional solidarity that is formed in life or death experiences like combat, which is stronger than most other friendships, and how this bond is a part of our evolved psychological mechanisms as an intensely coalitional species.
3:23:44 - 3:37:15 (13:31)
Summary
In this episode, the speaker reflects on the unique bond of coalitional solidarity that is formed in life or death experiences like combat, which is stronger than most other friendships, and how this bond is a part of our evolved psychological mechanisms as an intensely coalitional species.
Episode#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
PodcastLex Fridman Podcast
In this episode, the guest shares his love for the movie Leon the Professional, discussing how the complex theme of violence, love, and sex creates an interesting and fascinating watch.
3:37:15 - 3:38:41 (01:25)
Summary
In this episode, the guest shares his love for the movie Leon the Professional, discussing how the complex theme of violence, love, and sex creates an interesting and fascinating watch. The host and guest also discuss the enjoyment of activating psychological mechanisms through conversation.