Episode
Dr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
2:12:40
Published: Mon Nov 29 2021
Description
In this episode, my guest is Dr. David Buss, Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, and one of the founding members of the field of evolutionary psychology. Dr. Buss describes his work on how people select mates for short and long-term relationships, the dynamics of human courtship, and mate value assessment — meaning how people measure up as potential partners. We also discuss the causes of infidelity and differences for infidelity in men and women. He explains how people evaluate and try to alter other people’s mate value as a means to secure and even poach mates. We discuss monogamous and non-monogamous relationships in humans. And we discuss what Dr. Buss calls “the dark triad”— features common in stalkers and narcissists that relate to sexual and psychological violence in relationships. This episode is sure to be of interest to anyone single or in a relationship who seeks to know how people select mates and anyone who is interested in forming and maintaining healthy romantic partnerships. For the full show notes, visit hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors AG1 (Athletic Greens): https://athleticgreens.com/huberman LMNT: https://drinklmnt.com/huberman Thesis: https://takethesis.com/huberman Supplements from Momentous https://www.livemomentous.com/huberman Timestamps (00:00:00) Introducing Dr. David Buss (00:04:27) Sponsors: AG1, LMNT, Thesis, Momentous (00:08:33) Choosing a Mate (00:13:40) Long Term Mates: Universal Desires (00:18:31) What Women & Men Seek in Long-Term Mates (00:25:10) Age Differences & Mating History (00:32:20) Deception in Courtship (00:37:30) Emotional Stability (00:38:40) Lying About Long-Term Interest (00:41:56) Short-Term Mating Criteria, Sliding Standards & Context Effects (00:46:25) Sexual Infidelity: Variety Seeking & (Un)happiness & Mate Switching (00:54:25) Genetic Cuckolds, How Ovulation Impacts Mate Preference (00:57:00) Long-Term vs. Short-Term Cheating, Concealment (00:59:15) Emotional & Financial Infidelity (01:04:35) Contraception (01:06:22) Status & Mating Success (01:10:10) Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancies, Vigilance, Violence (01:24:13) Specificity of Intimate Partner Violence (01:25:12) Mate Retention Tactics: Denigration, Guilt, Etc. (01:27:33) Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy (01:33:25) Stalking (01:39:15) Influence of Children on Mate Value Assessments (01:43:24) Attachment Styles, Mate Choice & Infidelity (01:46:40) Non-Monogamy, Unconventional Relationships (01:54:00) Mate Value Self Evaluation, Anxiety About the Truth (02:02:12) Self Deception (02:05:35) The Future of Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience (02:06:56) Books: When Men Behave Badly; The Evolution of Desire, Textbooks (02:10:42) Concluding Statements, Zero-Cost Support: Subscribe, Sponsors, Supplements Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac Disclaimer
Chapters
This podcast episode features conversations with Dr. David Buss, a leading researcher in human mating behavior, discussing his book "The Evolution of Desire," which delves into the dark and healthy aspects of human mating behavior and relationships.
00:00 - 04:23 (04:23)
Summary
This podcast episode features conversations with Dr. David Buss, a leading researcher in human mating behavior, discussing his book "The Evolution of Desire," which delves into the dark and healthy aspects of human mating behavior and relationships.
EpisodeDr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
PodcastHuberman Lab
The competition and consensus among men and women for preferred traits in their mates creates a mating advantage for those who embody those traits, while those without them are left out, as explained by evolutionary psychologist, Dr. Geoffrey Miller.
04:23 - 17:21 (12:58)
Summary
The competition and consensus among men and women for preferred traits in their mates creates a mating advantage for those who embody those traits, while those without them are left out, as explained by evolutionary psychologist, Dr. Geoffrey Miller.
EpisodeDr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
PodcastHuberman Lab
Women prioritize fit men and a good shoulder-to-hip ratio as well as cues to health, which provide information about a person's health status and reproductive value.
17:21 - 30:09 (12:47)
Summary
Women prioritize fit men and a good shoulder-to-hip ratio as well as cues to health, which provide information about a person's health status and reproductive value. Men prioritize relative youth and find women more attractive when photographed with other women.
EpisodeDr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
PodcastHuberman Lab
Due to the overwhelming impact of photographs on dating apps, internet dating tends to lack the personal interaction required to assess the person's quality, besides the deception that may occur.
30:09 - 37:58 (07:48)
Summary
Due to the overwhelming impact of photographs on dating apps, internet dating tends to lack the personal interaction required to assess the person's quality, besides the deception that may occur. Online dating is a recent invention and was not popular until a decade ago.
EpisodeDr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
PodcastHuberman Lab
Women prioritize good dad qualities for long-term mating, while they go for bad boy qualities in short-term mating.
37:58 - 47:18 (09:20)
Summary
Women prioritize good dad qualities for long-term mating, while they go for bad boy qualities in short-term mating. Men prioritize physical appearance in both short-term and long-term mating but are willing to compromise in low-commitment situations.
EpisodeDr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
PodcastHuberman Lab
The mate-switching hypothesis is a more likely explanation for why most women have affairs.
47:18 - 59:00 (11:41)
Summary
The mate-switching hypothesis is a more likely explanation for why most women have affairs. Women who have affairs tend to do so because they are unhappy with their primary relationship, emotionally or sexually, and usually both.
EpisodeDr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
PodcastHuberman Lab
Infidelity is not only confined to sexual or emotional betrayal, financial infidelity also exists and is often overlooked.
59:00 - 1:06:43 (07:42)
Summary
Infidelity is not only confined to sexual or emotional betrayal, financial infidelity also exists and is often overlooked. Financial infidelity includes spending money secretly, hiding debts, and diverting pooled resources which can cause a strain on a relationship.
EpisodeDr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
PodcastHuberman Lab
The assessment of potential mate sexual or long-term partnership are being made in the context of good statistical practices, looking at the choices of others as a readout of your own choices, which can lead to activation of jealousy, even without immediate threats to a relationship but with a looming threat of the higher mate value person dumping the other person and trading up in the mating market.
1:06:43 - 1:17:11 (10:28)
Summary
The assessment of potential mate sexual or long-term partnership are being made in the context of good statistical practices, looking at the choices of others as a readout of your own choices, which can lead to activation of jealousy, even without immediate threats to a relationship but with a looming threat of the higher mate value person dumping the other person and trading up in the mating market.
EpisodeDr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
PodcastHuberman Lab
Dr. David Buss explains how intimate partner violence and mate poaching are connected, as violence tends to reduce perceived mate value discrepancies.
1:17:11 - 1:24:02 (06:50)
Summary
Dr. David Buss explains how intimate partner violence and mate poaching are connected, as violence tends to reduce perceived mate value discrepancies. Additionally, he discusses the gender differences in perpetrating violence towards potential mate poachers.
EpisodeDr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
PodcastHuberman Lab
The "Dark Triad" consists of three types of people: narcissists, Machiavellians, and psychopaths, who share some common traits such as entitlement, manipulation, and lack of empathy.
1:24:02 - 1:30:44 (06:42)
Summary
The "Dark Triad" consists of three types of people: narcissists, Machiavellians, and psychopaths, who share some common traits such as entitlement, manipulation, and lack of empathy.
EpisodeDr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
PodcastHuberman Lab
The podcast discusses different attachment styles and their impact on relationships.
1:30:44 - 1:46:12 (15:27)
Summary
The podcast discusses different attachment styles and their impact on relationships. Moreover, it explains the male sexual misperception bias where men misunderstood the signals women send to them, and how mate value discrepancy plays into these dynamics.
EpisodeDr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
PodcastHuberman Lab
This podcast explores the evolved mating psychology and how modern pornography exploits men's desire for sexual variety, triggering sexual jealousy in relationships, but also provides access to a wider variety of sex partners.
1:46:12 - 1:54:51 (08:39)
Summary
This podcast explores the evolved mating psychology and how modern pornography exploits men's desire for sexual variety, triggering sexual jealousy in relationships, but also provides access to a wider variety of sex partners. Women also have a desire for sexual variety.
EpisodeDr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
PodcastHuberman Lab
The concept of mate value is important in assessing the potential success of a relationship.
1:54:51 - 2:05:41 (10:49)
Summary
The concept of mate value is important in assessing the potential success of a relationship. Individual differences in mate value components exist, preventing potential matelessness and dissatisfaction, with attention structure indicating high mate value, and lack of attention indicating low mate value.
EpisodeDr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term
PodcastHuberman Lab
The Evolution of Desire provides an overview of human mating strategies, while When Men Behave Badly delves into darker aspects such as intimate partner violence, stalking, sexual harassment and coercion.
2:05:41 - 2:12:23 (06:42)
Summary
The Evolution of Desire provides an overview of human mating strategies, while When Men Behave Badly delves into darker aspects such as intimate partner violence, stalking, sexual harassment and coercion.