Episode
#241: The Relationship Episode: Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More (with Esther Perel)
2:04:14
Published: Mon May 22 2017
Description
I've wanted to speak with psychotherapist Esther Perel for years. In a cover story, The New York Times called her the most important game changer in sexuality and relational health since Dr. Ruth. Her TED talks on maintaining desire and rethinking infidelity have more than 17 million views, and she's tested and been exposed to everything imaginable in thirty-four years of running her private therapy practice in New York City. In this episode, Esther and I explore: How to find (and convince) mentors who can change your life. What she's learned from Holocaust survivors. Polyamory and close cousins. Is there such a thing as too much honesty in relationships? Can we want what we already have? Why do happy people cheat? And much more. Esther is the author of the international bestseller Mating in Captivity, which has been translated into 26 languages. Fluent in nine of them (I've heard her in person), this Belgian native now brings her multicultural pulse to her new book The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity (October 2017, Harper Collins). Her creative energy is right now focused on co-creating and hosting an Audible original audio series, Where Should We Begin. Show notes and links for this episode can be found at www.fourhourworkweek.com/podcast. This podcast is brought to you by Four Sigmatic. I reached out to these Finnish entrepreneurs after a very talented acrobat introduced me to one of their products, which blew my mind (in the best way possible). It is mushroom coffee featuring chaga. It tastes like coffee, but there are only 40 milligrams of caffeine, so it has less than half of what you would find in a regular cup of coffee. I do not get any jitters, acid reflux, or any type of stomach burn. It put me on fire for an entire day, and I only had half of the packet. People are always asking me what I use for cognitive enhancement right now -- this is the answer. You can try it right now by going to foursigmatic.com/tim and using the code Tim to get 20 percent off your first order. If you are in the experimental mindset, I do not think you'll be disappointed. This podcast is also brought to you by Audible. I have used Audible for years, and I love audiobooks. I have two to recommend: The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman Vagabonding by Rolf Potts All you need to do to get your free 30-day Audible trial is visit Audible.com/Tim. Choose one of the above books, or choose any of the endless options they offer. That could be a book, a newspaper, a magazine, or even a class. It's that easy. Go to†Audible.com/Tim and get started today. Enjoy.***If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts/iTunes? It takes less than 60 seconds, and it really makes a difference in helping to convince hard-to-get guests. I also love reading the reviews!For show notes and past guests, please visit tim.blog/podcast.Sign up for Tim’s email newsletter (“5-Bullet Friday”) at tim.blog/friday.For transcripts of episodes, go to tim.blog/transcripts.Interested in sponsoring the podcast? Visit tim.blog/sponsor and fill out the form.Discover Tim’s books: tim.blog/books.Follow Tim:Twitter: twitter.com/tferriss Instagram: instagram.com/timferrissFacebook: facebook.com/timferriss YouTube: youtube.com/timferrissPast guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry Seinfeld, Hugh Jackman, Dr. Jane Goodall, LeBron James, Kevin Hart, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jamie Foxx, Matthew McConaughey, Esther Perel, Elizabeth Gilbert, Terry Crews, Sia, Yuval Noah Harari, Malcolm Gladwell, Madeleine Albright, Cheryl Strayed, Jim Collins, Mary Karr, Maria Popova, Sam Harris, Michael Phelps, Bob Iger, Edward Norton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Neil Strauss, Ken Burns, Maria Sharapova, Marc Andreessen, Neil Gaiman, Neil de Grasse Tyson, Jocko Willink, Daniel Ek, Kelly Slater, Dr. Peter Attia, Seth Godin, Howard Marks, Dr. Brené Brown, Eric Schmidt, Michael Lewis, Joe Gebbia, Michael Pollan, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Vince Vaughn, Brian Koppelman, Ramit Sethi, Dax Shepard, Tony Robbins, Jim Dethmer, Dan Harris, Ray Dalio, Naval Ravikant, Vitalik Buterin, Elizabeth Lesser, Amanda Palmer, Katie Haun, Sir Richard Branson, Chuck Palahniuk, Arianna Huffington, Reid Hoffman, Bill Burr, Whitney Cummings, Rick Rubin, Dr. Vivek Murthy, Darren Aronofsky, and many more.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapters
On this episode of the podcast, Tim Ferris speaks with Esther Perel, the most important game changer in sexuality and relational health since Dr. Ruth who has spent 34 years running a private therapy practice in New York City.
00:00 - 08:55 (08:55)
Summary
On this episode of the podcast, Tim Ferris speaks with Esther Perel, the most important game changer in sexuality and relational health since Dr. Ruth who has spent 34 years running a private therapy practice in New York City. They discuss topics like polyamory and all of its close cousins, how to find and convince mentors who can change your life, and what is too much honesty in relationships.
Episode#241: The Relationship Episode: Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More (with Esther Perel)
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
The speaker reflects on the survivors of the Holocaust and how their ability to trust, share stories, and adapt to challenging circumstances contributed to their survival.
08:55 - 34:17 (25:21)
Summary
The speaker reflects on the survivors of the Holocaust and how their ability to trust, share stories, and adapt to challenging circumstances contributed to their survival. They also discuss the concept of counter-phobia and how it influences their behavior.
Episode#241: The Relationship Episode: Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More (with Esther Perel)
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
In 1976, the speaker hitchhiked across the United States and had a formative experience seeing the country with zero judgment or reference.
34:17 - 48:43 (14:25)
Summary
In 1976, the speaker hitchhiked across the United States and had a formative experience seeing the country with zero judgment or reference. They encourage their kids to have a similar experience and believe in the importance of mentors.
Episode#241: The Relationship Episode: Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More (with Esther Perel)
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
Therapist Esther Perel discusses how eroticism is more than just sex, it's about a life force that gives us vitality, vibrancy, and imaginative play.
48:43 - 1:10:48 (22:05)
Summary
Therapist Esther Perel discusses how eroticism is more than just sex, it's about a life force that gives us vitality, vibrancy, and imaginative play. She explains how the erotic has the ability to transport us outside of the moment and reconnect with the force that makes us feel alive, and how this is important for couples looking to revive their desire and connection.
Episode#241: The Relationship Episode: Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More (with Esther Perel)
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
The power dynamics in polyamorous relationships are complex and include negotiation of who can bring in other people, feelings of potentially being left, and balancing the positives and negatives of telling or not telling.
1:10:48 - 1:34:12 (23:24)
Summary
The power dynamics in polyamorous relationships are complex and include negotiation of who can bring in other people, feelings of potentially being left, and balancing the positives and negatives of telling or not telling. There is an equity question in decision-making and understanding each partner's desires is key.
Episode#241: The Relationship Episode: Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More (with Esther Perel)
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
In this podcast, Esther Perel discusses the cultural meaning of marriage and how it has become an institution that still guides people in their approach to relationships.
1:34:12 - 1:58:02 (23:49)
Summary
In this podcast, Esther Perel discusses the cultural meaning of marriage and how it has become an institution that still guides people in their approach to relationships. She explores the challenges of modern coupledom and how individuals can bring their best selves to their partners just as they do to other aspects of their lives.
Episode#241: The Relationship Episode: Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More (with Esther Perel)
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
Tim Ferriss, in one of his podcasts, recommends two books namely "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and "Vagabonding" to his listeners and offers a free 30-day trial for Audible along with other books and magazines.
1:58:02 - 2:03:47 (05:44)
Summary
Tim Ferriss, in one of his podcasts, recommends two books namely "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and "Vagabonding" to his listeners and offers a free 30-day trial for Audible along with other books and magazines. He also mentions Four Sigmatic, a coffee product that sold out in a week after he first mentioned it on the podcast.