The father of attachment science, John Bowlby, linked biology and social interaction patterns in a testable way that gives us a map to love relationships, and shows that we are interdependent human beings wired for connection from the cradle to the grave. Our long term vulnerability has wired our nervous system in a particular way and creates these social dramas.
The speaker emphasizes the need to understand oneself before approaching any relationship, which he believes requires working with a therapist to articulate complex emotions and motivations beyond the initial response of anger.
By treating and talking to ourselves like a secure attachment figure, individuals can find ways to overcome anxiously attached behaviors and find greater emotional security, even when their attachment needs have gone unmet in the past.
The speaker believes that in order to help emotionally scarred individuals, one must first get inside their head, experience their pain and feelings, and then think objectively about possible solutions or coping mechanisms. Although tragedies cannot be changed, dwelling on them is not helpful.
Dr. Nicole LePera describes the ways past trauma can trigger your nervous system, causing anxiety and controlling behavior in relationships.
The speaker expresses their struggles with seeking empathy from others, acknowledging that the advice they receive is not helpful.