Episode

#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
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2:04:10
Published: Thu Aug 26 2021
Description

Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love | Brought to you by Laird Superfood plant-based creamers, Headspace easy-to-use app with guided meditations, and Eight Sleep’s Pod Pro Cover sleeping solution for dynamic cooling and heating. More on all three below.Dr. Sue Johnson (@Dr_SueJohnson) is a leading innovator in the fields of couple therapy and adult attachment. She is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couples and Family Therapy (EFT), which has demonstrated its effectiveness in over 30 years of peer-reviewed clinical research. Sue has received numerous awards in recognition of her development of EFT, including the American Psychological Association’s “Family Psychologist of the Year” and the Order of Canada.Her best-selling book Hold Me Tight—with more than one million copies sold—has taught countless couples how to enhance and repair their love relationships. The book has since been developed into a relationship enhancement program called Hold Me Tight Online. Her most recent book for clinicians, Attachment Theory in Practice, delineates the promise of attachment science for understanding and repairing relationships.As the founding director of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT), Sue trains counselors in EFT worldwide and provides guidance to 80 affiliated centers. She consults for the US and Canadian militaries and is a popular presenter and speaker for the general public.Please enjoy!This episode is brought to you by Laird Superfood. Founded by big-wave surfer Laird Hamilton and volleyball champion Gabby Reece, Laird Superfood promises to deliver high-impact fuel to help you get through your busiest days. Laird Superfood offers a line of plant-based products designed to optimize your daily rituals from sunrise to sunset.My two favorite products are their Turmeric Superfood Creamer and Unsweetened Superfood Creamer. I put one of them in practically everything. Both can really optimize your daily coffee or tea ritual, and a $10 bag will last you a long time. For a limited time, Laird Superfood is offering you guys 20% off your order when you use code TIM20 at checkout. Check out LairdSuperfood.com/Tim to see my favorite products and learn more.*This episode is also brought to you by Eight Sleep! Eight Sleep’s Pod Pro Cover is the easiest and fastest way to sleep at the perfect temperature. It pairs dynamic cooling and heating with biometric tracking to offer the most advanced (and user-friendly) solution on the market. Simply add the Pod Pro Cover to your current mattress and start sleeping as cool as 55°F or as hot as 110°F. It also splits your bed in half, so your partner can choose a totally different temperature.And now, my dear listeners—that’s you—can get $250 off the Pod Pro Cover. Simply go to EightSleep.com/Tim or use code TIM. *This episode is also brought to you by Headspace! Headspace is your daily dose of mindfulness in the form of guided meditations in an easy-to-use app. Whatever the situation, Headspace can help you feel better. Overwhelmed? Headspace has a 3-minute SOS meditation for you. Need some help falling asleep? Headspace has wind-down sessions their members swear by. And for parents, Headspace even has morning meditations you can do with your kids. Headspace’s approach to mindfulness can reduce stress, improve sleep, boost focus, and increase your overall sense of well-being.Go to Headspace.com/Tim for a FREE one-month trial with access to Headspace’s full library of meditations for every situation.*If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts/iTunes? It takes less than 60 seconds, and it really makes a difference in helping to convince hard-to-get guests. I also love reading the reviews!For show notes and past guests, please visit tim.blog/podcast.Sign up for Tim’s email newsletter (“5-Bullet Friday”) at tim.blog/friday.For transcripts of episodes, go to tim.blog/transcripts.Discover Tim’s books: tim.blog/books.Follow Tim:Twitter: twitter.com/tferriss Instagram: instagram.com/timferrissFacebook: facebook.com/timferriss YouTube: youtube.com/timferrissPast guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry Seinfeld, Hugh Jackman, Dr. Jane Goodall, LeBron James, Kevin Hart, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jamie Foxx, Matthew McConaughey, Esther Perel, Elizabeth Gilbert, Terry Crews, Sia, Yuval Noah Harari, Malcolm Gladwell, Madeleine Albright, Cheryl Strayed, Jim Collins, Mary Karr, Maria Popova, Sam Harris, Michael Phelps, Bob Iger, Edward Norton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Neil Strauss, Ken Burns, Maria Sharapova, Marc Andreessen, Neil Gaiman, Neil de Grasse Tyson, Jocko Willink, Daniel Ek, Kelly Slater, Dr. Peter Attia, Seth Godin, Howard Marks, Dr. Brené Brown, Eric Schmidt, Michael Lewis, Joe Gebbia, Michael Pollan, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Vince Vaughn, Brian Koppelman, Ramit Sethi, Dax Shepard, Tony Robbins, Jim Dethmer, Dan Harris, Ray Dalio, Naval Ravikant, Vitalik Buterin, Elizabeth Lesser, Amanda Palmer, Katie Haun, Sir Richard Branson, Chuck Palahniuk, Arianna Huffington, Reid Hoffman, Bill Burr, Whitney Cummings, Rick Rubin, Dr. Vivek Murthy, Darren Aronofsky, and many more.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Chapters
The podcast discusses the best tools for enhancing sleep, including the 8Sleep and Headspace apps, which both have clinically validated research showing they can improve sleep quality and reduce sleep interruptions.
00:00 - 04:11 (04:11)
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Sleep Enhancement
Summary

The podcast discusses the best tools for enhancing sleep, including the 8Sleep and Headspace apps, which both have clinically validated research showing they can improve sleep quality and reduce sleep interruptions.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
The speaker discusses the importance of a secure bond between partners, which is more significant than having a good marriage or mere satisfaction.
04:11 - 13:15 (09:03)
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Marriage Counseling
Summary

The speaker discusses the importance of a secure bond between partners, which is more significant than having a good marriage or mere satisfaction. Secure connections can help deal with trauma and reduce anxiety and depression, and this intervention has shown significant results among couples compared to others.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
MRIs showed that women's brains were calmer when they had a secure connection with their partner after going through Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).
13:15 - 20:07 (06:51)
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EFT
Summary

MRIs showed that women's brains were calmer when they had a secure connection with their partner after going through Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). The study conducted MRIs at the beginning and end of therapy to assess the changes.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
The Hold Me Tight conversation is an emotionally safe space where one partner can open up and share their vulnerabilities, fears, and needs with the other person.
20:07 - 25:52 (05:45)
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Relationships
Summary

The Hold Me Tight conversation is an emotionally safe space where one partner can open up and share their vulnerabilities, fears, and needs with the other person. This allows for a deeper emotional connection and understanding in relationships.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
Hold Me Tight conversations, a technique used in Emotionally Focused Therapy, have been shown to predict positive results and success in therapy.
25:53 - 31:54 (06:00)
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Emotionally Focused Therapy
Summary

Hold Me Tight conversations, a technique used in Emotionally Focused Therapy, have been shown to predict positive results and success in therapy. Through these conversations, people are able to bond and rebuild trust with their partners, leading to improved emotional functioning and overall well-being.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
Couples counseling often involves helping partners recognize the negative pattern of their relationship or dance.
31:53 - 37:06 (05:12)
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Couples Counseling
Summary

Couples counseling often involves helping partners recognize the negative pattern of their relationship or dance. By identifying the problematic dance, couples can stop blaming each other and learn how to engage in more positive interactions.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
Attachment science, introduced by John Bowlby, offers a map to understanding love relationships, social interaction patterns and how our nervous system works.
37:06 - 44:09 (07:03)
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Attachment Science
Summary

Attachment science, introduced by John Bowlby, offers a map to understanding love relationships, social interaction patterns and how our nervous system works. It helps us to shape, fix, repair, and maintain relationships by acknowledging our vulnerability and interconnectedness as human beings.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
The topic of sleep training is surrounded by a lot of controversy.
44:09 - 51:20 (07:11)
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Sleep Training
Summary

The topic of sleep training is surrounded by a lot of controversy. While some support having a consistent sleep pattern from an early age, others believe that the context of the modern world affects our sleeping habits and routine significantly.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
Experts suggest that a civilized society entails the need for supporting families in a much better and efficient way by providing assistance to parents to learn effective parenting techniques, and employing innovative interventions like EFT microinterventions to improve the quality of family relationships.
51:20 - 55:15 (03:54)
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Parenting
Summary

Experts suggest that a civilized society entails the need for supporting families in a much better and efficient way by providing assistance to parents to learn effective parenting techniques, and employing innovative interventions like EFT microinterventions to improve the quality of family relationships.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
A therapist reflects on their experience with a client and the emotional toll it can take.
55:15 - 1:02:32 (07:17)
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Therapy
Summary

A therapist reflects on their experience with a client and the emotional toll it can take.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
The importance of being aware of your body's emotional responses and how to describe them.
1:02:33 - 1:06:37 (04:03)
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Emotional intelligence
Summary

The importance of being aware of your body's emotional responses and how to describe them.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
A conversation about experiencing disconcerting physical symptoms such as a lump in the chest and a tightness in response to certain tones of voice.
1:06:37 - 1:08:57 (02:20)
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Health
Summary

A conversation about experiencing disconcerting physical symptoms such as a lump in the chest and a tightness in response to certain tones of voice.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
When people get stuck in negative communication patterns like blaming, pushing, or withdrawing, it creates disconnection and more anxiety.
1:08:57 - 1:13:29 (04:32)
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Communication skills
Summary

When people get stuck in negative communication patterns like blaming, pushing, or withdrawing, it creates disconnection and more anxiety. Using a few core emotions to express oneself and learning how to reach out to others can help build strong relationships.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
The benefits of secure attachment styles in childhood to adulthood are discussed, including how Winston Churchill's childhood experiences may have contributed to his success.
1:13:29 - 1:20:04 (06:34)
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Attachment
Summary

The benefits of secure attachment styles in childhood to adulthood are discussed, including how Winston Churchill's childhood experiences may have contributed to his success.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
In this episode, the podcast host talks about the importance of synchrony during human interaction and how he feels safer with women leaders, reminiscing about his tango teacher who inadvertently taught him lessons relevant to therapy.
1:20:04 - 1:25:27 (05:23)
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Human Interaction
Summary

In this episode, the podcast host talks about the importance of synchrony during human interaction and how he feels safer with women leaders, reminiscing about his tango teacher who inadvertently taught him lessons relevant to therapy.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
Dancing Tango with a partner who's in sync evokes happiness and joy among humans, regardless of gender, and that has been the essence of Tango in Buenos Aires since its inception.
1:25:27 - 1:31:17 (05:50)
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Tango, Buenos Aires
Summary

Dancing Tango with a partner who's in sync evokes happiness and joy among humans, regardless of gender, and that has been the essence of Tango in Buenos Aires since its inception.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
The podcast discusses the different approaches of men and women towards sexuality, where women tend to prioritize the relationship, connection, and safety before feeling aroused.
1:31:19 - 1:37:43 (06:23)
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Sexuality
Summary

The podcast discusses the different approaches of men and women towards sexuality, where women tend to prioritize the relationship, connection, and safety before feeling aroused. The vulnerability of women during the sex act was also highlighted, making it vital for women to feel secure and comfortable with their partners.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
Research shows that individuals in safe, long-term relationships have the most satisfying sex and experience the most thrilling desire.
1:37:43 - 1:42:38 (04:54)
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Sexual Relationships
Summary

Research shows that individuals in safe, long-term relationships have the most satisfying sex and experience the most thrilling desire. When problems with erectile dysfunction occur, it's essential not to panic and withdraw from your partner.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
Couples who engage in hold me tight conversations tend to have better sexual relationships.
1:42:38 - 1:51:11 (08:33)
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Relationships
Summary

Couples who engage in hold me tight conversations tend to have better sexual relationships. These conversations create a safe space for partners to share their desires and vulnerabilities, and be more intimate not just emotionally, but also physically.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
The speaker highlights the importance of understanding attachment science in shaping our most precious relationships.
1:51:11 - 1:55:46 (04:35)
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Love and Relationships
Summary

The speaker highlights the importance of understanding attachment science in shaping our most precious relationships. They also talk about how the conversations around love have evolved, now including conversations about race, facing difficulties, and various types of couples.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
In this podcast episode, the guest and the host discuss the underlying despair that has been magnified by the pandemic and how seeking out tools to shape the love one needs and wants can be empowering during these challenging times.
1:55:46 - 2:01:07 (05:20)
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Love
Summary

In this podcast episode, the guest and the host discuss the underlying despair that has been magnified by the pandemic and how seeking out tools to shape the love one needs and wants can be empowering during these challenging times.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show
Aidsleep boasts reducing sleep interruptions by 40% while the Pod Pro Cover allows for personalized temperature control.
2:01:07 - 2:03:59 (02:52)
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Sleep Enhancements
Summary

Aidsleep boasts reducing sleep interruptions by 40% while the Pod Pro Cover allows for personalized temperature control. Both tools can enhance sleep quality for those who struggle with getting a good night's rest.

Episode
#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love
Podcast
The Tim Ferriss Show