Episode

A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
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1:02:00
Published: Thu Feb 02 2023
Description

In this episode, you and I are getting a masterclass on the topic of love. And it’s not what you think.  This is not an episode about relationships – it is an episode about YOUR relationship to love and how you can let more love into your life.  My mission with this episode is to inspire you to stop and consider the profound subject of love, how important it is, and why you deserve to feel more love in your daily life. If you have felt alone or feel like your relationships are on autopilot, this episode is a real gift. I am also excited because as you listen to this episode, I get to introduce you to someone I really love.  He and his wife are very dear friends of ours and he just finished a two-year-long research project on the topic of love.  This friend of mine is also a former monk with a tender heart and a global fanbase.  His sage counsel on life is sought after by celebrities, world leaders, professional athletes, and the most successful artists in the world. I’m talking about none other than my friend, Jay Shetty. He’s the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Like a Monk, and his latest book is 8 Rules of Love. Climb into your favorite chair and get ready for a wild ride.  I threw out the talking points from Jay’s PR team and just went for it. I love this episode because Jay delivered.  He gets personal and reveals more about his own experience and mistakes with love than ever before. This is a must listen and a must share. Listen as a family. Listen with friends. Listen as a couple. Listen by yourself. Love is what we need. And hearing two dear friends go deep on the topic will make your heart swell. Even an old dog like me learned a few new tricks about how I can experience more love and be more loving in my life ❤️ Xo Mel In this episode, you’ll learn: 3:40: Hear Jay’s 3-part definition of love I’d never heard that is so spot on.4:30: According to research, this is how many hours you need to spend to make a casual friend, a good friend, and a great friend.6:40: Are you doing this with your partner? Jay says that’s not love.8:00: Okay wow, here’s where I realize I’m not doing something for my husband, Chris, that I should be doing.11:15: If your relationship is new, be careful you don’t do this.13:40: Why do we chase relationships in order to feel worthy?18:15: Rule #1 for finding love.19:50: What research shows will happen if you enter a relationship simply because you’re afraid of being alone.21:00: Hear Jay in a rare moment where he talks about his childhood trauma.27:00: Here’s why you keep dating the same kind of person over and over.29:00 One simple exercise you can do today to start building a healthy relationship.31:30: Jay leads us through a powerful meditation.38:15: There are four phases of love: hear them unpacked and explained.40:00:  Dating someone new? Then you need to know about both the “halo effect” and the “context effect.”43:30: Jay’s best piece of advice if you want that new relationship to last.47:00: Here’s Jay’s Rule #4 of love and why it’s my favorite.53:30: Is someone caring for you or controlling you? Here’s how to tell.55:00: What you might be doing in your relationship that’s hurting it.57:30: Here’s what I disagreed with Jay about.59:30: What is the purpose of love in your life? Jay answers. Want to go deeper into the topic of relationships? Listen to the last episode, “I Don’t Usually Share Advice Like This: 6 Lessons on Making Any Relationship Work.”  Disclaimer

Chapters
The host expresses gratitude for Jay Shetty's friendship and accomplishments, including being a podcast host, former monk, and bestselling author.
00:00 - 04:39 (04:39)
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Jay Shetty
Summary

The host expresses gratitude for Jay Shetty's friendship and accomplishments, including being a podcast host, former monk, and bestselling author.

Episode
A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The host discusses how our approach to love often focuses on our own projections and desires for our partner rather than truly respecting and supporting them, using their own goals as a guide.
04:39 - 12:22 (07:42)
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Love, Relationships
Summary

The host discusses how our approach to love often focuses on our own projections and desires for our partner rather than truly respecting and supporting them, using their own goals as a guide. Practical examples from his own marriage are shared as inspiration for a more loving mindset.

Episode
A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast
In this podcast, hosts tackle the issue of struggling with self-identity in a relationship and encourage people to understand their likes and dislikes to maintain their individuality in a relationship.
12:23 - 17:55 (05:32)
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Love and Relationships
Summary

In this podcast, hosts tackle the issue of struggling with self-identity in a relationship and encourage people to understand their likes and dislikes to maintain their individuality in a relationship. They also emphasize the impact of self-narrative on one's perception of reality.

Episode
A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast
In this podcast, the speaker shares her childhood bullying experiences and encourages listeners to focus on personal growth rather than superficial qualities when seeking a partner, in order to avoid becoming dependent on them.
17:55 - 22:23 (04:27)
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Personal Growth
Summary

In this podcast, the speaker shares her childhood bullying experiences and encourages listeners to focus on personal growth rather than superficial qualities when seeking a partner, in order to avoid becoming dependent on them.

Episode
A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A former monk recounts meeting his partner before becoming a monk and finding out her mother had prayed for her daughter to find someone like him.
22:23 - 28:34 (06:11)
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Love
Summary

A former monk recounts meeting his partner before becoming a monk and finding out her mother had prayed for her daughter to find someone like him.

Episode
A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The speaker suggests an exercise of writing down everything you're looking for in a partner and then focusing on being that person yourself.
28:34 - 38:58 (10:23)
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Love
Summary

The speaker suggests an exercise of writing down everything you're looking for in a partner and then focusing on being that person yourself. The importance of recognizing that everyone has their own definition and understanding of the word "love" in a relationship is emphasized.

Episode
A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast
In this episode, the host discusses red flags and chemistry in relationships.
38:58 - 43:04 (04:05)
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Relationships
Summary

In this episode, the host discusses red flags and chemistry in relationships. Contrary to popular belief, red flags are not just visible in other people, and chemistry is not just an innate feeling but is also influenced by context effects.

Episode
A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The hosts reflect on the benefits of spending time with your partner and learning from their strengths, drawing from personal experiences in their own relationships.
43:04 - 47:12 (04:08)
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Relationship
Summary

The hosts reflect on the benefits of spending time with your partner and learning from their strengths, drawing from personal experiences in their own relationships.

Episode
A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast
Acknowledging the impact of personal relationships in self-development is crucial.
47:12 - 55:12 (07:59)
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Personal Growth
Summary

Acknowledging the impact of personal relationships in self-development is crucial. True personal growth goes beyond improving ourselves, but also understanding and accepting our partners' role in exposing our flaws, weaknesses, and truths.

Episode
A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast
The greatest act of love is to give love, share love, and feel love.
55:12 - 1:00:07 (04:54)
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Love
Summary

The greatest act of love is to give love, share love, and feel love. The purpose of love is not just to make someone feel loved by you, but to help them learn to love themselves.

Episode
A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast
This podcast episode discusses the power of accepting and loving oneself, and how it can lead to a more fulfilling and love-filled life.
1:00:07 - 1:01:53 (01:46)
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Self-love
Summary

This podcast episode discusses the power of accepting and loving oneself, and how it can lead to a more fulfilling and love-filled life. It encourages listeners to start noticing the love that is already present in their lives and to foster a deeper sense of self-love and acceptance.

Episode
A Toolkit for Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go
Podcast
The Mel Robbins Podcast