What if you could show up in any relationship feeling secure, exactly as you are? You didn’t have to overthink every text you sent. You wouldn’t have to play the dating games. If somebody ghosted you, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Well I’m here to tell you today that you CAN be that person. Meet the phenomenal Dr. Marisa Franco, New York Times bestselling author of “Platonic” and expert on attachment theory. Today, we’re shining a light on your attachment style. What is an attachment style? Simple. It’s a framework backed by decades of research that will help you understand how you show up in relationships. There are 4 attachment styles, and whether you’re aware of it or not, you default to one of them. If you have a hard time setting boundaries with family members… If you keep dating the same kind of people… If you cling to relationships that have long expired… Or if you’ve never been able to connect with someone on a deeply emotional level. Blame your attachment style. And here’s the good news: when you understand attachment theory, you can change your default attachment style and become more secure, which leads to happier and healthier relationships. You deserve that, which is why this episode is for you. Today, Dr. Franco breaks down the 4 attachment styles that make or break your relationships, AND the powerful tools you can use to improve them. Once you understand your attachment style, you’ll have a lens through which to improve absolutely every relationship, especially the one you have with yourself. Because at the deepest level, becoming more secure is about allowing love in. Xo Mel PS: One way to let more love in is to get in touch with your big dreams. Let me help you with a free journal guide: melrobbins.com/dreambig For complete show notes, go to melrobbins.com
In this episode, Mel Robbins explores attachment theory, a simple framework backed by decades of research, that can help improve your relationships with others. With relatable examples, Mel provides insight into why we may feel left out in friend groups, struggle to connect with our spouses, or repeatedly end up with the wrong type of partner.
This podcast episode explores the impact of attachment styles on all types of relationships. Listeners can learn about their own attachment style and use the knowledge gained to improve their connections with others.
Our attachment style shapes how we give and receive love and impacts our ability to build healthy relationships with others. Anxiously attached individuals tend to have negative assumptions and memories in relationships, leading to mistreatment by others.
When in a relationship with an avoidantly attached person, it can be challenging to offer critique as it may trigger their core wound of feeling deficient. By focusing on fulfilling your own needs and having secure relationships, it can help in being more flexible with an avoidantly attached partner.
The disjuncture between the avoidant person’s belief about what they need and the benefits of connection is explained, and how internalized secure attachment can be the way for the avoidant person to start treating and talking to themselves like a secure attachment figure that they never had.
Avoidant people may feel drained by social interaction, but may feel recharged and authentic with a safe person. They may describe safety as feeling more comfortable and at ease after spending time with someone.
To approach an avoidant attachment style in a calm and grounded manner, it is suggested to first recognize positive aspects of the relationship and then address the specific issue respectfully and non-judgmentally, as the avoidant individual may fear rejection or shame if expressing their own needs.
Understanding our attachment style can help us see the lenses we view the world through and why we form relationships the way that we do. It can also help us learn how to change unhealthy patterns in our relationships.
Falling in love can release a powerful cocktail of chemicals that can make us feel pulled into a relationship, even if we're afraid of intimacy, which may replace some of our underlying wounds and triggers, as highlighted by the example of anxiously attached people feeling secure with each other for a year, or avoidantly attached people feeling comfortable with connection and intimacy.
Understanding your attachment style can give you a lens through which to analyze your inability to receive love and subsequently allow you to work towards becoming secure in yourself and in allowing love in.
Understanding your attachment style can help you to let more love into your life and improve relationships with others, leading to a better life overall.