Episode
#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
1:59:30
Published: Wed Sep 15 2021
Description
Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge | Brought to you by LinkedIn Jobs recruitment platform with 750M users, Eight Sleep’s Pod Pro Cover sleeping solution for dynamic cooling and heating, and Public Goods high-quality everyday essentials. More on all three below.Sheila Heen is a New York Times best-selling author, founder of Triad Consulting Group, and a deputy director of the Harvard Negotiation Project at Harvard Law School, where she has been a member of the faculty for 25 years. Sheila specializes in particularly difficult negotiations, where emotions run high and relationships become strained. She often works with executive teams, helping them to resolve conflict, repair professional relationships, and make sound decisions together. In the public sector, she has provided training for the New England Organ Bank, the Singapore Supreme Court, the Obama White House, and theologians struggling with disagreement over the nature of truth and God.Sheila is co-author of the New York Times bestsellers Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most and Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (even when it’s off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and, frankly, you’re not in the mood). She has written for the Harvard Business Review and the New York Times — as a guest expert and contributor to the “Modern Love” column — and she has appeared on NPR, Fox News, CNBC’s Power Lunch, and shows as diverse as Oprah and The G. Gordon Liddy Show. She has spoken at the Global Leadership Summit, the Nordic Business Forum, the Smithsonian, Apple, Google, and Microsoft. Sheila is a graduate of Occidental College and Harvard Law School. She is schooled in negotiation daily by her three children.Please enjoy!This episode is brought to you by Eight Sleep! Eight Sleep’s Pod Pro Cover is the easiest and fastest way to sleep at the perfect temperature. It pairs dynamic cooling and heating with biometric tracking to offer the most advanced (and user-friendly) solution on the market. Simply add the Pod Pro Cover to your current mattress and start sleeping as cool as 55°F or as hot as 110°F. It also splits your bed in half, so your partner can choose a totally different temperature.And now, my dear listeners—that’s you—can get $250 off the Pod Pro Cover. Simply go to EightSleep.com/Tim or use code TIM. *This episode is also brought to you by Public Goods! Public Goods is the one-stop shop for sustainable, high-quality, everyday essentials made from clean ingredients at an affordable price. Public Goods searches the globe to find healthy, eco-friendly, and innovative products and then packages them using a single, streamlined aesthetic for your home so you can get all of your premium essentials in one place and avoid buying from a bunch of mismatched, single-product brands. Multiple people on my team were already using Public Goods, and now, so am I.Visit PublicGoods.com/Tim to receive $20 off the products in your first Public Goods order using code TIM, with no minimum purchase required! *This episode is also brought to you by LinkedIn Jobs. Whether you are looking to hire now for a critical role or thinking about needs that you may have in the future, LinkedIn Jobs can help. LinkedIn screens candidates for the hard and soft skills you’re looking for and puts your job in front of candidates looking for job opportunities that match what you have to offer.Using LinkedIn’s active community of more than 750 million professionals worldwide, LinkedIn Jobs can help you find and hire the right person faster. When your business is ready to make that next hire, find the right person with LinkedIn Jobs. And now, you can post a job for free. Just visit LinkedIn.com/Tim.*If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts/iTunes? It takes less than 60 seconds, and it really makes a difference in helping to convince hard-to-get guests. I also love reading the reviews!For show notes and past guests, please visit tim.blog/podcast.Sign up for Tim’s email newsletter (“5-Bullet Friday”) at tim.blog/friday.For transcripts of episodes, go to tim.blog/transcripts.Discover Tim’s books: tim.blog/books.Follow Tim:Twitter: twitter.com/tferriss Instagram: instagram.com/timferrissFacebook: facebook.com/timferriss YouTube: youtube.com/timferrissPast guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry Seinfeld, Hugh Jackman, Dr. Jane Goodall, LeBron James, Kevin Hart, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jamie Foxx, Matthew McConaughey, Esther Perel, Elizabeth Gilbert, Terry Crews, Sia, Yuval Noah Harari, Malcolm Gladwell, Madeleine Albright, Cheryl Strayed, Jim Collins, Mary Karr, Maria Popova, Sam Harris, Michael Phelps, Bob Iger, Edward Norton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Neil Strauss, Ken Burns, Maria Sharapova, Marc Andreessen, Neil Gaiman, Neil de Grasse Tyson, Jocko Willink, Daniel Ek, Kelly Slater, Dr. Peter Attia, Seth Godin, Howard Marks, Dr. Brené Brown, Eric Schmidt, Michael Lewis, Joe Gebbia, Michael Pollan, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Vince Vaughn, Brian Koppelman, Ramit Sethi, Dax Shepard, Tony Robbins, Jim Dethmer, Dan Harris, Ray Dalio, Naval Ravikant, Vitalik Buterin, Elizabeth Lesser, Amanda Palmer, Katie Haun, Sir Richard Branson, Chuck Palahniuk, Arianna Huffington, Reid Hoffman, Bill Burr, Whitney Cummings, Rick Rubin, Dr. Vivek Murthy, Darren Aronofsky, and many more.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapters
Public Goods is a one-stop-shop for eco-friendly and high-quality essentials, with a streamlined aesthetic for your home.
00:00 - 01:29 (01:29)
Summary
Public Goods is a one-stop-shop for eco-friendly and high-quality essentials, with a streamlined aesthetic for your home. They ethically source and obsessively develop each product to be free of harmful additives, making it easy to find sustainable and healthy products.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
This episode discusses 8Sleep, a tool for enhancing sleep that claims to reduce sleep interruptions by up to 40% and help users to fall asleep up to 32% faster.
01:29 - 06:39 (05:09)
Summary
This episode discusses 8Sleep, a tool for enhancing sleep that claims to reduce sleep interruptions by up to 40% and help users to fall asleep up to 32% faster. The hosts also announce a 60 day challenge to test out the product.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
The speaker discusses how by reaching out to fields such as Behavioral Economics, Neuroscience, and Psychology, one can better understand mechanics, problem-solving, and conflict resolution in professional and personal relationships.
06:40 - 15:11 (08:30)
Summary
The speaker discusses how by reaching out to fields such as Behavioral Economics, Neuroscience, and Psychology, one can better understand mechanics, problem-solving, and conflict resolution in professional and personal relationships.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
In difficult conversations, a shift from what happened to feelings and identity is necessary.
15:11 - 24:48 (09:37)
Summary
In difficult conversations, a shift from what happened to feelings and identity is necessary. Understanding the root cause of the difficulty of the conversation is key in addressing the issue and dealing with the emotions involved.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
Difficulty conversations are crucial for personal and professional relationships to thrive.
24:48 - 33:46 (08:58)
Summary
Difficulty conversations are crucial for personal and professional relationships to thrive. Lying awake worrying about them is not productive and can lead to disengagement if not handled constructively.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
The difficult conversations approach is a flexible framework for engaging with several different situations, particularly when there is a clear disconnect between the parties.
33:46 - 43:14 (09:27)
Summary
The difficult conversations approach is a flexible framework for engaging with several different situations, particularly when there is a clear disconnect between the parties. It could be applied in various contexts, such as in a car ride, where the parties see things differently, and one party is in the position of leadership.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
The speaker discusses the factors needing consideration while delivering an apology, giving examples of what to avoid and the approach that can be taken to make your apologies effective.
43:14 - 50:43 (07:29)
Summary
The speaker discusses the factors needing consideration while delivering an apology, giving examples of what to avoid and the approach that can be taken to make your apologies effective.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
The speaker reflects on his tendency to over-analyze his girlfriend's emotional state instead of simply acknowledging and validating her feelings, which can lead to unsatisfying conversations.
50:44 - 57:59 (07:14)
Summary
The speaker reflects on his tendency to over-analyze his girlfriend's emotional state instead of simply acknowledging and validating her feelings, which can lead to unsatisfying conversations. He suggests focusing on the impact on both individuals and avoiding the urge to justify one's reactions.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
This transcript discusses the challenges of apologies and communication in a relationship, specifically how one partner may feel compelled to apologize after a conversation that wasn't resolved, leading to resentment.
57:59 - 1:01:26 (03:27)
Summary
This transcript discusses the challenges of apologies and communication in a relationship, specifically how one partner may feel compelled to apologize after a conversation that wasn't resolved, leading to resentment.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
Tim Ferriss discusses the difficulty of owning other people's emotions and feeling guilty about them with his guest.
1:01:26 - 1:07:09 (05:43)
Summary
Tim Ferriss discusses the difficulty of owning other people's emotions and feeling guilty about them with his guest. He raises that he doesn't believe one can make someone else feel a certain way, and thus it's crucial to communicate with people about how one feels toward them.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
The speaker shares her experience with firm coaching and how it helps her in athletic training and accepting direct feedback.
1:07:09 - 1:16:19 (09:09)
Summary
The speaker shares her experience with firm coaching and how it helps her in athletic training and accepting direct feedback. She also discusses the importance of language in communication and shares tips for having difficult conversations.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
Skilled communicators should develop first, second, and third position skills where first position is self-awareness, second position is empathy, and third position is acknowledging differences.
1:16:19 - 1:23:59 (07:40)
Summary
Skilled communicators should develop first, second, and third position skills where first position is self-awareness, second position is empathy, and third position is acknowledging differences. Negotiators use these skills to start interactions and conversations effectively.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
The speakers describe their different writing strategies, with one focusing on dissecting and reevaluating ideas while the other experiences anxiety during this process.
1:23:59 - 1:29:43 (05:43)
Summary
The speakers describe their different writing strategies, with one focusing on dissecting and reevaluating ideas while the other experiences anxiety during this process. They also mention a book about relationship systems, highlighting the importance of self-reflection in personal and professional relationships.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
The overlap between heroism and conscious leadership has been recently explored, with the hero archetype often possessing leadership qualities such as taking responsibility and becoming an absorber.
1:29:43 - 1:37:16 (07:33)
Summary
The overlap between heroism and conscious leadership has been recently explored, with the hero archetype often possessing leadership qualities such as taking responsibility and becoming an absorber. Practicing conscious leadership can be difficult, but resources such as PDFs from the conscious leadership group are available to assist in understanding related concepts such as the drama triangle.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
The desire for our lives to be an interesting movie leads us to create drama in our own lives.
1:37:16 - 1:41:09 (03:52)
Summary
The desire for our lives to be an interesting movie leads us to create drama in our own lives. By listening to other people's stories and questioning our own contributions, we can avoid playing the victim role in our narratives.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
The speaker reflects on the way Stephen Glass managed to play the victim in his professional life, leading to colleagues and friends covering up for him even when suspicions arose.
1:41:09 - 1:46:42 (05:32)
Summary
The speaker reflects on the way Stephen Glass managed to play the victim in his professional life, leading to colleagues and friends covering up for him even when suspicions arose. She goes on to express her fascination with the skill of effectively managing conversations and the privilege of being allowed into people's conversations that matter to them.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
In this episode, the speaker suggests that difficult conversations can be made easier if they are approached at a time when both parties are at their best energy level, and the underlying question of whether things will be okay is addressed.
1:46:42 - 1:54:33 (07:50)
Summary
In this episode, the speaker suggests that difficult conversations can be made easier if they are approached at a time when both parties are at their best energy level, and the underlying question of whether things will be okay is addressed.
Episode#532: Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge
PodcastThe Tim Ferriss Show
In this podcast, the host shares some tools and products for improving sleep.
1:54:33 - 1:59:15 (04:42)
Summary
In this podcast, the host shares some tools and products for improving sleep. These include 8Sleep, which helps reduce sleep interruptions, and Public Goods, which offers eco-friendly and healthy products.